Saturday, February 23, 2008

miss you daddy

I couldn't sleep this morning thinking about my daddy and how 12 years ago today he passed away. So this post is more therapeutic than anything else. I can remember clear as day finding out the news although no one actually said the words. All I had to see was the look on my sister's face and I knew.
He was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes as a young boy and after 3 kidney transplants, a heart surgery, losing his eyesight & some toes, and other surgeries his body finally surrendered. But only after he lived a life full of laughter, resilience, faith, and love.
He completely lost his eyesight when my mom was pregnant with their first baby and lost a big promotion he was about to receive at work. But that didn't stop him from living life. He learned to read braille,went back to college and got his Master's Degree in Social Work. He even ran a marathon along the way. Years later he regained some of his eyesight but remained legally blind the rest of his life and never could drive. He walked everyday no matter the snow or rain to catch the bus for work. So many of my favorite memories of us were walking and talking somewhere together. He is such an amazing man.
The same feelings always surface on days like this. How I miss him more with everyday, how I wish it got easier, how I wish he were here to play with Avery, how I hope he is proud of me.

The only thing that gets me through days like this is knowing with all my heart that I will see him again. That I will see his smiling face, run to give him a big hug and tell him I love him.

51 comments:

Jenn said...

aww. (((hugs))) I am sure he is looking down from heaven with a huge smile on his face! Those streets of gold must be fun to take a walk on, too! :) Jenn

Anonymous said...

Hugs!!

dawnsing said...

Elizabeth, such a sweet post. I hope your day is blessed with happiness.

Tiffany said...

Awww Elizabeth. This is such a sweet post. I hope your day is filled with beautiful memories and moments of your daddy.

Callista said...

Sending a BIG hug your way. My dad passed away from renal failure in Sept of 1999, almost a year after DH and I got married. I am soo thankful he got to meet DH and approved and now I will just wait until we meet up again. I also hope that my dad is proud of me and I am sure your dad is and looking down on you every day. He sounds like an amazing and blessed man!

Angela said...

Hugs to you on this day. Your post had me in tears...my dad passed away almost 8 months ago due to a motorcycle wreck. I miss him everyday, as you do your dad.

I am sure he is proud of you.

Amy said...

Thank you for posting that. I was in need of a healthy dose of positive perspective! What a wonderful relationship!

eRiCa said...

Liz - I remember how great of a guy your dad was. He was so intelligent and kind. I remember my dad speaking so highly of him. Truly an amazing man. What a nice tribute you wrote about him.

Sara Ancich said...

Thank you for sharing your feelings about your dad. Very moving.

Enjoy your weekend.

Lesli said...

What a wonderful tribute to your father - I really know how it feels - I lost my dad just a couple of years ago. When I look at photos - scrapbook thoughts etc,...I find myself more at peace. {{{HUGS}}}

Lyndsie Field said...

i remember going to your dad's funeral...my heart went to out to you then & still does! ;) thinking about you!

Amanda said...

Elizabeth, you know this truly touches my heart! Thank you so much for sharing. There must be something in the air because I was just thinking of my dad yesterday more than usual. Bet they're up there together having a blast! :)

Britnee said...

As I read your post I remember My sister Heather coming home & telling us that her friend Ashley's dad had died. I barely even knew you then. He's probably up with your new babe right now training her up! Love ya!

Laura Looooo said...

after losing plently of people I love... one of my favorite quotes ever is...

"death is more universal that life! Everyone dies...not everyone lives!"

your dad truly lived...and of course he is proud of you...and he is definitely smiling down on you and avery :-)

emily said...

how could he not be proud of you liz?
what a sweet post...thanks for sharing this with us. will be thinking of you :)

Amy Hummel said...

Very sweet post. And I know your daddy IS proud of you... And isn't it so great to have a testimony of the plan of salvation? I'm the only active LDS member of my family (my mom and 2 sisters are in-active... everyone else is non-members). It is so hard to see my grandma struggle with the death of my grandpa in July. She just doesn't realize that there is sooo much more!

Anonymous said...

What a sweet post. I lost my mother 12 years ago, and sometimes it seems like forever ago, and other times it feels like just yesterday. I know your Daddy would be proud of you! I do not know you, but feel like I do through your blog. Hugs!
Dawn

Jenny said...

Elizabeth- I lost my father to cancer a year and 3 months ago, and I know the utter feeling of loss you feel. But I too KNOW I'll see him again and it makes me a little less fearful of the unknown. And believe me, he's proud of you and looking down on little Avery and your new baby, showing everyone in heaven how proud he is! :)
Thinking of you...

Michelle said...

Elizabeth, I'm so sorry for your loss. Your tribute is beautiful and I'm sure your Dad is looking down at you so PROUD of you!!! (((hugs))) :]

noel joy said...

{{hugs}}
praying for you this week.

Reina said...

What amazing daddy you have! I know he is with your sweet baby girl holding her close and telling her all she needs to know for this life and to return to be with him. He is proud of you and I am sure waiting for the day to hug you again! {{hugs}}

familywithfivekids said...

This is a beautiful tribute. Your father was truly an amazing man, you carry his tradition well with all you do!

3QTGUYS said...

I am sure "proud" is an understatement!

Hoping today sends sweet moments for you!

City Mouse said...

I am so sorry you are feeling down and hope that tomorrow brings you peace. Your post really touched me because I recently did a LO about missing my Dad. March 1st will be 20 years since he passed away and the last paragraph of your post reflects the same sentiment I put in the last sentence of my journaling. The layout (titled "Dear Daddy") is here if you want to see it: http://rockinsisters.blogspot.com.
Take care of yourself and feel better.

Tiffany and Shane Speakman said...

Liz, I know how hard this is and was for you and you are so lucky to have the beliefs we do because that is definitely reasurring that you know you will see him again! I remember when you found out at my house..we were either on the way to soccer or had just come back and you got a call..that made such an impression in my life that day and I was glad that I could be there for you for a moment in time... you are so blessed to have the family and friend you do. You always bring a smile to everyone you encounter! That's a gift! Love ya girl!!! Tiff

Anonymous said...

Hi! You're such a beautiful person both inside and out! Best of luck with the remainder of your pregnancy. My sister is due April 1st. She's thinking of Racheal, Marissa, Kate, and Gabriella. If I had a girl (I got 3 boys!) I would name her Abigail Rose! GOOD LUCK!

Holly said...

I had no idea! I appreciate you being so open about your experiences with your father and his amazing zest for life! Thanks for sharing! And seriously...How could he not be proud of you! What a wonderful tribute to a truly amazing man!
Also...if you think about it...your father cared and loved Avery long before you knew she'd be part of your family! I'm sure there's some of him in her!

ScrapHappy said...

Beautiful post, Elizabeth.
HUGS.
xoxox
Lain

Mary and Ryan said...

I still remember that day too. I feel very lucky that I got to meet and know him. His eyes were the most beautiful color I had ever seen, just like yours and Avery's. Love you!

Ashley said...

What a beautiful tribute to your father. I'm sorry for your loss but grateful you will be reunited with him someday.

Michelle said...

Sounds like your dad was a wonderful man and you were so blessed to have him in your life!!

Melissa Allred said...

I loved reading all that stuff about your dad I didn't know half that stuff! He was a true fighter!! Like you said" He lived his life" that in and of itself is such an amazing legacy to leave behind. I admire those who never give up. Thanks for posting that it really does put life in perspective and makes you want to always keep family relations close. Hope you have a wonderful day and know your amazing!!!

The Boys' Mommy said...

Thanks for sharing your story...your dad must be such a source of inspiration to you. What an incredible man he must have been. I lost my dad from lung cancer in June 2006...a week before my oldest son turned 1 and a month after we told him he was going to be a Pop-Pop again. You're right the pain doesn't get easier...we just deal with it differently as time goes on...

Here's to the someday when we see our daddies again...

Kit Kartchner said...

What an inspiration. You are a blessed, blessed woman to have such beautiful memories. . . .
And to have the temple sealing and assurance that "families can be forever" through the atonement of Christ and the sealing power of the priesthood of God on the earth today!

I love you so much. . . .
I wish it got easier for you, too. . . . I wish he were here to set everything right that is not right for you.
I am sure he is so aware of all your sad times as well as your happy ones, Liz!

Mom

Tiffany & Co. said...

What a great tribute to your dad. He sounds just as amazing as you are. I'm sure he is just soooo proud of you and your accomplishments!

Suzanne said...

Hey Elizabeth, I just found your blog through Mandy Douglass'. I just lost my dad this past December when he had a sudden heart attack at work. I feel like now I relate to anyone who has also lost their dad. Just wanted to say hi and hope you're able to find strength in difficult times.

Toni said...

This post made me feel so sad and so warm all at the same time. I'm glad that you have that blessed assurance that you will see him again. As a person of deep faith, I so related to that comment. Btw, I see where you got some of your great looks. Your dad was quite handsome.
Blessings,
~Toni~

Becca said...

Elizabeth--
I just found your blog and I was just going to read it, to soak up your creativity but with this post, I must respond.

My brother died of complications of Type One in 1999--on February 28th. Randy was only 32 years old. Thirteen months later, I was diagnosed with Type One as well, and then, seven years after that our nephew Bobby was given the same diagnosis. We have become active with JDRF and work harder for a cure than we ever thought imaginable. I'd love to talk with you sometime--you can check out my blog (randomthoughtsbybecca.blogspot.com) or my CURE blog: becauseIneedacure.blogspot.com or you can email me at pamperedwife@cox.net

I'm so so sorry that you lost your dad--I wish you peace.

xoxo,
Becca

Julie said...

Aren't you so grateful for the knowledge of the Atonement and that our families are forever!!! I honestly don't know how people our there survive life without that knowledge!!! And I'm sure he is proud of you, you are an amazing lady!!!

Nicki Lundeen said...

I just lost my dad on January 10 (on my birthday nonetheless). I miss him terribly. I lost my mother almost 2 years ago. I know I will never quit missing them, and sometimes the pain is more than I can bear. But, I know if he had the choice to be back here on earth, he would choose to stay where he and mom are. I know they are healthy, happy and still in love. When I think of that, it makes me smile.

My heart goes out to you, because I know what you are feeling...that pain deep inside. Thank you for posting and sharing something so private with us.

You are in my prayers.

Pierce Productions said...

So sorry to hear of your daddy's passing 12 years ago. Must have been hard to be quite young & grow up without him. It sounds like he really made a lasting impression on your life & those around him. He sounds like he was an extraordinary man & he did his best to live life to its fullest. I think that he passed that on to you as you seem to keep a wonderful outlook on life. Hugs to make you feel comforted & thanks for sharing something so personal with all of us.

naomi said...

I am sitting here boo-hooing over your post. Your daddy is an amazing man and so are you...

scjennandfamily said...

thanks for sharing your memories. my dad died when i was 10 (26 yrs ago last week) from skin cancer at the young age of 30.
the pain doesn't go away and i don't remember him too much but i have things that remind me of him.
the most important things are your memories of him.

Carol H said...

I lost both my parents to cancer - my mom when I was 23 (I am now 49)and my dad 12 years ago. I truly know what you're feeling. So glad your memories of your dad are such good ones, as are mine of my parents. I am certain your dad is very proud of you. I too look forward to seeing both my parents again one day. Love & hugs to you! -Carol

Inkster said...

you come from a great man.
You are filled with great things.
Many hugs and much love
your warmth radiates!

(me)linda said...

I stumbled upon your blog, and have spent the last few sleepless hours devouring your awesome sense of style. Which is funny because I have a serious aversion to scrapbooking, yet I read on...loving it.

This post stopped me in my tracks. What a tender memory. My two year old son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes last June. My huge goal in life is to teach him and my other children to live with the same kind of courage that I feel your Dad must have had. What's the point of living life if you don't love it?

Thanks for all the pretties and inspiration. What Daddy wouldn't be proud!

Dawnie said...

OK, it's 6:30a in Atlanta, on a Sunday AM, and I can't sleep because I brought a TON of work home this weekend and somehow I end up here... reading your blog archives and finding this post and now I'm bawling like a baby! Liz, this is such a sweet tribute and your father was obviously an AMAZING man! And I know he is very, very, VERY proud of you. You are a true gift. So glad I found you out in 'net world.

kat78 said...

Hey Liz!

I SO CAN UNDERSTAND YOU!!!!
I lost my Dad in 2001, too...he was 52, I was 23, my sis 14 - he died of a sudden heart attack...

I MISS HIM ENDLESSLY - I'LL ALWAYS WILL - but that shows us, that we LOVE!!

Lovely greetings and hugs all across the ocean
Katharina
from the BlackForestRegion/Germany

Rebekah Williams said...

Oh Liz. Now I'm crying!

What an extraordinary person he must have been!! And OF COURSE he is proud of you! We all are!!

xoxo!

Anonymous said...

Awwwww..... What a lovely post. You had me in tears! I'm so glad you could share that with us and I'll bet your dad is so proud of you and what you've done with your life! (((HUGS)))

Heather M. said...

oh wow, elizabeth, i just read this post for the first time and it brought tears to my eyes. he was a remarkable man. :( i'm so sorry that you lost him so young.