Monday, August 9, 2010

♫ I picked a winner and I liked it...♫ (hijacked by Collin)

What up ladies.

And you.

Hey you....dude....yes, you...guy sitting there in the green shirt that says, "You're just jealous the voices don't talk to you". Time for a shower bro.

My little Lizard Breath is tired from "growing a child in her tummy" so I'm picking the winner for this EPIC giveaway. Pregnancy is something I'll never understand. I've heard it's like eating Asian food everyday for 9 months. True story: I once ate Indian food everyday for a week, and let me tell you, go eat Indian food for 5 days in a row and only then will you realize in their culture why they can pray to more than one God.

So, Liz just said "could you pick a winner?" but what I heard was "go write whatever you want on my blog without getting thrown in jail later for it" so here. we. are. ladies.
Do you ladies know what it's like to be a dad? It's not easy. I'm trying to be a good dad though, give my kids the chance to experience all that life has to offer. Trying to teach them to be polite, cuz there's SO many rude people out there. For example, the other day I told Avery, "Look, if you're ever talking to someone who has really stinky breath, don't be rude and say, "Hey, your breath stinks" just walk up to them....and kindly ask, "Hey, did you eat poop for breakfast?"
SO much better, right?
I'm trying to teach them survival skill, because you never know when they're going to need them. I.E., the other day we were camping and I looked at my kids and said, "Look, if you're ever lost out in the woods without a compass, and you don't know which way is North, there's a REALLY easy way to figure that out in the forest that I learned in Boy Scouts. All you have to do is look around, and find the nearest DirectTV satellite dish on a house, because satellite dishes ALWAYS FACE SOUTH. Then, just turn around, and THAT is the North Star.

And...if you're ever on the roof-tops of London, NEVER EVER start yelling, "STEP IN TIME!" or crazy stuff is gonna happen.

I'm like Bear Grylls meets Mary Poppins of dad...hood. Anyways, I feel like I'm monologuing. Am I monologuing?

Let's pick this winner, shall we?
So, this winner is going to get a gihugant box of awesome scrapbook stuff, AND....maybe I'll poke some holes in the cardboard and give you our dog Mookie too. (I can't stand him, he gives me looks like "You're not my dad" and "Remember that one time you fed me an entire bag of Cheetos?"

And the Winner of this Dear Lizzy giveaway goes to....
ME.
LOLJK! GIVE IT UP FOR THE BRACKET ANNE-INATOR CLOSED BRACKET!!!!!!

{Anne} said...

Oh I do love that feeling of fresh and clean when things have gone wild in my craft room so way to go you! And can I add that bust with ribbon on it is adorable beyond belief. Clever idea!
I am celebrating the rest of this summer. It has slipped right through my fingers this year and I am so sad there in only 3 weeks until school starts for my babe.
I am crossing my fingers and toes(not that I can cross my toes but I am going to try hard) on this giveaway! Your stuff is delicious!
Thanks for this chance :)!

Email your information to Liz and she'll send me to the post office like Princess Buttercup and I'll probably say, "As you wish."

76 comments:

Sarah said...

Hilarious. Absolutely hilarious! :)

reen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jen said...

He's always entertaining. Thanks for the giggle. P.s. can we have a closer look at that shirt you have on Liz -the one at your brothers wedding. I bet you made it. I'm in love! Show us how its done. Love Love Love, JEN

Frances said...

Gracious he's funny! Congrats Anne!!

scarthur said...

Hilarious! Seriously funny. Too bad I didn't win, but thanks for the entertainment anyway and congrats to Anne!

Vashti said...

Thanks for the tuesday morning laugh!

Colin needs to start his own blog!

Hope the baby growing isnt making you too tired.

x

ReNi said...

What a hilarious post! *encore*
;)

Alice Wertz said...

LOL! i LOVE THIS!!!

Bonnie said...

ha ha!! It's always good to start the day with a laugh! Thanks Collin! You really should start your own blog on dad...hood and stuff! You'd have, like a million followers!
Congrats to Ann! you lucky fish!

Zarah said...

*laughing so hard my eyes tear up*
You are crazy. Crazy is GOOD! :D

Sara Ancich of snip {snap!} photography said...

get this guy a mic!

jkhenson said...

Funny-and that goofy dad humor is something my husband has shared with my girls for years-our daughters are 15 and 11 and now they say, "Daaaaaad" with rolling eyes. :) They're smirking, because they still think he's funny, but it's not cool to think he's funny. ;)

Also, loved the reference to Princess Bride-thanks for starting my day off with another smile! :)

Stay Funny said...

Collin you are just to funny! That was a great way to start my day! Thanks!

Auntie Em said...

Momma, hope you feel better soon!
Poppa, you need your own blog!

Thanks for sharing! :D

Kimberly Anne said...

So funny! With every line I read, Colin just kept giving us some more hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Colin is absolutely hilarious! Did you eat poop for breakfast, absolute classic!

Samantha said...

In-conceiv-able! (I do not think you know what that word means.)

Very funny. Even if I wasn't the winner.

Danae said...

Its always great when you can start your day off with a good laugh! Thanks!

HappyScrapbooker said...

Ha, ha, ha... Colin you always makes me laugh. Great way to start the day... Congratulations to Ann!

Angela Grisham said...

He's nuts! :)

Laurie said...

Congrats to Anne, what a lucky girl! Liz, you are lucky to have Collin, he's larger than life fuuny and you must just be laughing all the time! Thanks for the Tuesday morning giggle Collin!

Ashleigh said...

ROFL! Collin, you're super!

Congrats to Anne on your "gihugantic" win!

Heather said...

YOU'RE JUST TOOOOOOO FUNNY (I hope that Dude in the green shirt DOES go take a shower though - seriously :p)

Caryl Hope said...

Collin, you absolutely rock! Love your "hijack posts" on Lizzy's blog. Just the right kind of spice on her refreshing blog!

Congrats Anne! :-)

gina said...

wow...cute and funny! You got a good catch!

Jacy said...

Ha thanks for the giggles this morning :)

reese's pieces said...

Thanks for the laugh! Hilarious!
Congrats Anne!

Lara said...

hilarious!!!!

Diana said...

I needed that giggle today--THANK YOU!!

Anonymous said...

You crack me up...................................:^)

Jami Nato said...

i don't know why, but i picture you(collin) talking like will arnett from arrested development. and you kind of look like him a little as well. it makes the whole post funnier.

elizabeth kartchner said...

@ Jami Nato,

When Collin starts getting into funny mode he starts talking like Gob (Will Arnett)! How would you've guessed that! LOL! It's his favorite character of all time. (And Dr. Spaceman of 30 Rock).

deana said...

Hilarious... :-)

Jennifer Yates said...

So funny! Always enjoy Collin's guest posts! :)

Angie N said...

Not only does he call you Lizard Breath, but he refers to himself as Princess Buttercup. Does he have his own blog? Way too funny.

tccba said...

What a great way to start the day--with a laugh! Where did you get the moustaches on sticks? I am taking wedding photos in September, and I have been looking for some for months--then you have them! I also noticed, late, that yesterday was 8-9-10. Since you did 7-8-09 last year, I put it out of my head because I figured your blog would remind me!

Kimmy said...

OMG! Collin you are so flipping funny! Lovely way to start a Tuesday morning. Love the dad lessons. Would love to see the face of the person that would have to answer "Did you eat poop for breakfast?" And you know kids say the darnest things! LOL Thanks for hijacking the blog today. Need to hijack more often so Mama can rest and so we can start our days off with a giggle or two! :)Now I can't get the Steppin Time song out of my head! Ugh! :)

Amber said...

colin, you are awesome!! I love it when you hijack liz's blog!! I just told my work buddy that she needs to go and read the post....(thats what we do every morning, before we start working)thanks for making me laugh.

Angie May said...

You, Mr. Collin, are a cool dude!!! Thanks for today's post :)

Christiana said...

Hilarious! You must be in that group of guys that thinks it's okay to have a Facebook account (not that there's anything at all wrong with that). We've had a big "guys to not socialize" discussion around here lately. Glad to see you're obviously not in that camp!

Congrats to bracket Anne closed bracket!

{VICKI} said...

I needed that laugh!

{VICKI} said...

I needed that laugh!

Amanda Sevall said...

So funny!! I love when your husband hijacks your blog!! :) lol

Lacey said...

OMG this is toooo funny!! Love the post. Congrats Anne!

Charmaine said...

bwahahahaha! Totally brightened my day!

Ann Marie said...

Very funny .... but my heart stopped for a second when I saw (Anne) --- I thought I had won. Then a deep dark sadness set in - lol. Anne, I'll take any leftovers you don't want! Congrats!

Tere said...

OMGoodness!!
I'm laughing so hard... ha ha ha ha

... I'm so happy even if I'm not the lucky winner!!!!

Heather V said...

Glad you're imparting important life lessons to your children, lol! Hilarious. Thanks for the entertainment!!

megan p said...

SO funny!! you really should start your own blog on fatherhood, it would be hilarious!! Oh and i miss the updates on your photography blog i love your photography and i wish you posted more pictures!
Thanks for the laugh!

Megan

Jennifer DeWolfe said...

Thanks for the giggle Colin! I'm sure your girls will grow up to very well mannered girls who are always looking for satellite dishes :)

Kim Hartmann said...

wow, collin, the fact that you know lines from the movie "The Princess Bride" is quite impressive! According to Liz, you are an amazing dad, but i have a little nagging feeling that your girls are going to reach an age where they one day say: "Dad, not here! Are you kidding me? you are so embarrassing!" Which ofcourse is completely and entirely ok. Parents are supposed to do that. I just want you to be prepared for it when it happens. That way you can instantly come back with: "Oh yeah? You think that's embarrassing? I have been waiting for this day! Check this out!" hahahohoheehee!

p.s.

Can you please record that moment? It will make you rich through YouTube. Guaranteed.

God Bless!

Erin said...

Oh Collin. I used to think you and my husband were so similar (A LOT of joking and craziness and movie quoting and sarcasm goes on around our house too..) BUT after that post, I do believe you take the cake.

:)

Ale Loiacono said...

So funny!!!!! LOVE your post! :)

Laura Beth said...

Your husband is a gem. Freakin' hilarious. I hope my husband is as awesome as he is.

Laura Beth said...

By the way, I love that picture. You two are hot stuff!

cindy said...

I can honestly say your hijackings are the only ones I ever want to read about. Thanks for the out load laughing with tears. :D

jamie said...

what a hoot.
better then a shot of caffeiney substance in the afternoon.

Olivia said...

Such a funny post, really enjoyed reading it!

Congrats to Anne :D

Tami McBeain (tmarie) said...

Thanks for the giggles Collin, you're so sweet to fill in for Lizzy.

Emily Leiphart said...

LOL, what a great post, Collin! Congrats to Anne, you lucky lady!

Jami Nato said...

yes! i am freakin' awesome with my guessing skills. ya'll, we could be friends if we lived in the same area. it's hard to find people with who a)love arrested development and b) aren't weirdos.

i think you know emily anderson. she is my bestie. if she could move back to kansas and ya'll moved here, we could change the world. i just know it.

Julie said...

rofl thanks for the Bear Grylls/Mary Poppins mental picture - wouldnt you love to live in that household!?!
Awesome post Collin with 2 lls :o)

suzyplant said...

Oh my gosh. I love your husband. he's like ME in a boy body. You smell like you ate poop for breakfast - hilarious! xoxo

Renee Zwirek said...

Hilarious, clever, witty...please hijack more often, Collin!!!!!

rhoffer said...

Thank you! I needed that little chuckle!

Fleursbydesign said...

You crack me up - love Princess Bride if only all men would say "As you wish" :)

Rochelle said...

What a laugh your hubby is, so funny!

{Anne} said...

That was a hilarious post! And OH MY HECK, I am sooo excited that I won!!!!!! Yahoo! I truly can't wait to get the loot! Thank you, thank you!

Winter said...

LOL! Too funny! :)

Jamie Lane said...

I just hit here from another blog and boy oh boy, your hubby is a HOOT! Great post, and I say let him hijack away - that was a great laugh! Thanks.

sillypea said...

You are too adorable for words.

Angie Blom said...

Oh my goodness.. how can you make a girl laugh in a house of sleeping children.. YOU ARE A HOOT!! I seriously think you should start your own blog.. I need a good laugh everyday!!
Congrats to bracket Anne bracket!! Enjoy your goodies!!

Angie Blom said...

Oh my goodness.. how can you make a girl laugh in a house of sleeping children.. YOU ARE A HOOT!! I seriously think you should start your own blog.. I need a good laugh everyday!!
Congrats to bracket Anne bracket!! Enjoy your goodies!!

Queen of Bristol said...

Colin you should really have your own blog - teaching other fathers how to educate their kids - there's so much they can learn from you!:-)
With (soon) 4 ladies in the house you'll have loads to write about I am sure :-)
Sandy

Laura said...

HA! You made me laugh! :)

Aubrie Knight said...

has he always been this funny or is it years of making. I about wet my pants I laughed so hard. Thanks for the pick me up!